When my family still lived in Tracy, California, we were only about an hour’s drive from my grandparents in Sonoma, allowing us to visit on a somewhat frequent basis, which was something I always looked forward to. They had a huge apple tree that my brother and I would climb. Well, my brother would climb it, I would somehow manage to get into the tree and just kind of sit there. We would be in that tree for hours; sometimes the other kids in the neighborhood would join us. I don’t know what made it so enjoyable, but that was one of our favorite things to do. On one particular visit, when I was four, while my brother was reaching for new heights and I assumed my usual sitting post with my grandma watching, one of her neighbors came by to be neighborly, I suppose. I noticed that they were talking about my brother and me, being one to never shy away from the spotlight I decided to join the conversation. The neighbor being a typical old guy, he jokingly asked me, “What are you?” I suppose the normal answer would have been “I’m a boy!” or even saying “I’m Bugs Bunny” or some other cartoon character would have been acceptable. I guess I’ve never been normal, because I responded by saying, “I’m a lover and a prayer.” I wasn’t a Christian yet, but from the very beginning my heart was always set on Jesus. I’m guessing it’s because I noticed that was how my parents were and I always wanted to be like them.

Growing up I was always unashamed to be an avid church-goer. I never hid from my faith around the kids on our block or at school who would bully me for my beliefs. Admittedly I was socially awkward when I first started going to public school and though I eventually did adapt, I always remained a little different. While most in eighth grade were listening to Eminem, I was borrowing my dad’s Chris Tomlin CDs. Or while the other kids were busy writing notes to each other during class, I wrote worship songs. I’m not saying that I never struggled or did wrong, because I sinned with the best of them, but through and through Jesus was always first in my life, again, most likely because my parents placed Him first in their lives. And it became my prayer that if God were to bless me with children, that I would be like my parents. That I would be able to show my kids Jesus, not by talking about Him, but by living like Him. I figured I had a long time to develop into a man capable of being that influence. I mean I had until 27 at the earliest to become a dad, right?

That is, until I met Caleb.

I knew that Tamberly was a mom from the very beginning, and I really respected that she didn’t try to hide the fact that she was a young, single mom. But I had never even considered dating a mom before. In fact, I’m pretty sure I had previously rejected the idea of that ever being an option. I mean, what would my parents think? (I don’t know why I still always sell them short.) What guy would want to welcome that kind of drama into his life? Could I really take on the responsibility of possibly being a step-dad someday? And, for as many questions I had, I’m sure Tamberly had many more. Ultimately God broke me and made me feel foolish for ever thinking for a second that I couldn’t date a single mom.

When I first met Caleb it was pretty late at night and right before his bedtime, so I only saw him for a few minutes. But as soon as I sat down he ran to me and gave me his toy truck. Tamberly said this meant he liked me. The next time I saw him Tamberly was waking him up from a nap. I was standing in the hallway outside of the dark room that he was in. I didn’t realize he could even see me when I heard him say “Josh?!” How did a kid, who wasn’t even two, remember who I was? He owned my heart at that moment. And I had this longing to spoil him, to teach him, to protect him...to fight for him.

I’m not here to slander anyone, but I only wanted the best for Caleb. I believe he only deserves the best. I’m not saying I’m the best, but I know that Christ who dwells in me is. And I wanted to show that to Caleb, and I wouldn’t be able to do that if Caleb stayed in America while I went to Japan. And I just knew that God wanted my family together. I never doubted that His will was for us to grow together in Him. There were plenty of doubters and nay-sayers. And I’m sure there are some people reading this with strong opinions about custody battles, and I’m sure that you have your reasons for your opinions, just like how I have reasons for my opinions. My opinions don’t stem from anger, spite, selfishness or revenge. I may be older, but my heart is still the same as when I was four years old: I’m a lover and a prayer. I love Caleb and I prayed for him my entire life, and God blessed me. And no argument in any court-room, in front of any judge could ever combat that.

And now here I am. Eagerly awaiting the arrival of my family, making sure everything is ready for them to come here. It’s crazy how I’ve been away from them for a month already, and, although this month has been so hard, I would never change anything. God uses adversity to grow us; and more and more each day I feel the confidence growing, my faith strengthening and my fear lessening. I suppose God had to grow me quickly, since He couldn’t wait for me to turn 27 to become a dad.

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